12 Simple Steps to Boost Your Chat Skills and Revamp Your Relationships!

In previous discussions, the importance of communication in relationships and how it contributes to our overall health and well-being were highlighted. In these articles, the first few steps of a transformative model of communication skills, called Behavioral Engagement with Pure Presence, were explored. These communication skills have been researched in several hospitals and healthcare environments in the U.S. Initially, studies were carried out within the context of communication between doctors, nurses, and patients, but eventually, covered a wider range of relationships.

This article serves as a final installment on the subject and reviews the previously covered material. We will then delve into the twelve steps of Pure Presence to help you develop fulfilling and successful communication with others.

Effective Communication

Failure to communicate effectively is a leading factor driving divorce and the breakdown of relationships between parents and children, as well as between employees and employers. It is evident that communication plays a crucial role in making or breaking a relationship. However, altering how we relate to one another might be more challenging than you think.

Distraction serves as a significant source of unsuccessful communication. For example, if we want to have a positive conversation with a boss or a client, we must give them our full attention and be fully present. Unfortunately, many of us lack this training and skill. Instead, we acquire communication skills as children, often mimicking the spoken and unspoken behaviors exhibited by our families. This is one of the reasons why changing our communication behavior can be so tricky.

With the right set of communication skills, however, it is possible to truly transform your relationships. This article outlines the Twelve Steps of Pure Presence, which can be applied to enhance the quality of communication you have with others.

Important Behaviors

Behavioral Engagement with Pure Presence is a collection of behaviors and communication skills that are shown to improve the quality and outcomes of relational communication, reduce the likelihood of communication meltdowns, increase overall work satisfaction, and deepen intimate relationships when applied in combination.

  1. Conscious-centered body presence: encourages focused attention and engagement while limiting distractions.

  2. Non-judgmental, soft eye contact: has been proven to be scientifically effective in promoting trust and opening the brain’s emotional centers. Oxytocin, a hormone that fosters trust and love, is stimulated through gentle, non-judgmental eye contact.

  3. No trace camping: eradicates self or ego-focused language and behaviors that can negatively influence communication.

  4. Level-playing-field thinking: addresses subtle control behaviors and removes the damaging power dynamics that can hinder effective communication.

  5. In-the-moment self-assessment: identifies emotional and rational components within your communication.

  6. Respectful inquiry: emphasizes asking rather than telling, fostering a safe environment for authentic dialogue.

  7. Sacredness of relationship: treats the communication of others with reverence, boundary awareness, and inherent value.

  8. Enhanced brain integration: encourages sensory associative and cortical brain processes to improve mutual understanding and decrease miscommunication.

  9. Non-prejudice: eliminates unspoken mental or emotional judgments that can be subtly communicated through body language, ultimately sabotaging rapport, trust, and outcomes.

  10. Emotional shifting: incorporates steps that allow for personal worldviews, opinions, and beliefs to shift, promoting rapport, shared agreement, and a “meeting of minds.”

  11. Intentional collaboration: focuses on intent with integrity, as opposed to manipulation or goal-setting, fostering authentic dialogue and win-win outcomes.

  12. In-the-moment re-centering: utilizes tools to reset your thinking and focus if distractions or conflicts arise.


Various studies on these steps to improve communication skills have proven that adhering to the twelve steps in your personal and professional communications will lead to transformative changes in your exchanges with others. This will ultimately create more rewarding and satisfying relationships for both you and those with whom you interact. To learn more about Pure Presence and download a free excerpt from the book on the subject, visit www.changingbehavior.org.

Implementing these steps in everyday communication will not only help in strengthening relationships but also positively impact your overall health and well-being. Consistent practice of these communication techniques can lead to long-term success and fulfillment in various aspects of life.